Spotlight

The DeMolator

Have you read Episode I yet? If not, CLICK HERE to read it first!
Have you read Episode II yet? If not, CLICK HERE to read it first!
Have you read Episode III yet? If not, CLICK HERE to read it first!
Have you read Episode IV yet? If not, CLICK HERE to read it first!

The DeMolator - Episode V

This was to be John's habit for the next two weeks. He was almost permanently driven over the edge in his solitude, and considered, at one time proposing to his coconut. He might have made it permanently to insanity if it wasn't for an encounter with a much more dangerous companion.

John awoke in the middle of the night to drumming and what sounded like war-cries.

"…Wha…?" John asked in a sleepy stupor.

He was dragged off by two large, female natives.

John might have minded, except that A) they weren't coconuts and B) they were female.

They dragged him farther into the jungle until they reached a small village. They then tied him to a large stake as other women prepared a big fire.

"Is this village all women?" John wondered, smiling at the prospect.

His smile faded, however, as he watched the women drag a huge pot of water over the fire. The girls pointed at him and laughed, and some of them walked up to him and began to pinch at his stomach.

They're going to eat me! he thought.

The last we left our brave State Junior Deacon, he was about to be cooked alive by amazonian-like female villagers. As bad as this was for John, things were about to get a whole lot worse for the state Marshall, Stephen Bohn.

Stephen, or as some of you know him as, "Goofy," is a nice kid. He is usually pretty helpful, and can make even the gloomiest person laugh, and prided himself on being able to do so. So as you might imagine, he was absolutely dumbfounded when he found himself transported from the comfort of his room to a place that even most of our nightmares would dare not go-the back seat of the infamous Bonnie and Clyde's armor-plated car.

Meanwhile, the water in the large pot came to a rolling boil, and the villagers that held John captive began to trill and cheer. They took the pot off of the larger fire and onto a smaller one. Three women cut him loose and drug him over to the pot, poking, pointing, and giggling the whole time. John tried to struggle, but these women were so strong...and they were much softer than a coconut… (wait, uh...did I write that?). Finally, he was brought to the edge of the pot, which radiated heat.

"I don't wanna die like this!" John exclaimed.

He looked around.

"Okay, maybe I do want to die like this...but not until I'm atleast seventy!"

One of the women began to pour what must obviously be spices to give him a little flavor into the pot. John was a little insulted; he considered himself to be like a steak-- to add anymore sauce or flavoring would be downright sinful. Then again, they were cannibals, so that really isn't an issue, is it?

One of the girls dipped her finger in the water, and pulled it out quickly, bringing her finger to her mouth in pain. She spoke to the other girls in a language John couldn't understand, but he could take a pretty good...stab...at what she meant: "Hot--very hot."

John struggled again, but to no avail. Interestingly, though, they took the pot off of the fire for a few minutes. Finally, the girl felt the water again and nodded. It was time.

John uttered a final prayer atoning for all the wrong he had done as they stripped him down to (and this is for the ladies) his boxer briefs. They then put the pot back on the fire, lifted him up, and unceremoniously threw him to what would surely be his slow demise.

Meanwhile, the little boy that had been in a sack cloth discovered that the leader of the Little Homie Association had gone missing. He decided to gather his lady fans and began to march on Atlanta, recruiting an army of 'Little Homies' to find and lay seige on Tiffany Ashley-meagan Smith for her grievous transgression. His first recruit was none other than the little Homie Jean-Luc who, like his father, always had a little magic up his sleeve.

Tiffany Ashley-Meagan Smith beware! For you have messed with the wrong Little Homie Association!!

John hit the water and began to thrash, expecting the water to instantly scald his skin. After a few moments, he was surprised to find that the water was quite comfortable. The women descended on him, but not with knives and other pointy objects, but with wet cloths and what was unmistakably soap. John smelled the aroma from the 'spices' put into the water and realized that it was flowery...why would they want to wash him in really aromatic things before eating him? That couldn't possibly taste good... For a moment, John felt hope. Maybe they weren't going to eat him after all! A couple of the ladies got in the pot with him and began to dote over him, massaging his hands and shoulders, and giggling amongst themselves. John decided that he was okay going out like this.

He smiled to himself as he remembered one of the Cardinal Virtues-- cleanness.

"I think I can finally appreciate that virtue," John said, and laughed with the rest of the girls as one told a joke that he couldn't understand.

As John soaked, Goofy held on for dear life as he was tossed about the back seat of Bonnie and Clyde's car.

"I think I am in the wrong place…" Goofy said as he struggled to not fall forward.

The two criminals were too preoccupied with outrunning the 'G-men' to notice Goofy, but, seeing as how the car was getting shot at, this was little comfort to Goofy.

"Clyde, let's head through the woods…we can take that trail we saw," Bonnie Parker said to her partner.

"Clyde…" Goofy said to himself. He looked at their clothing. It was some of the old nineteen twenties fashions, but they had been mended several times. Goofy's heart slid down into his left foot.

"Surely she isn't…"

"Bonnie! Will you just let me drive?" Clyde yelled, "What do you know about back trails, anyway?"

"These cops look like they're driving bootlegger cars…we can't out run them!"

"Shut yer mouth!" Clyde said, swerving onto an even bumpier country road.

Goofy dared to peek out of the back window and noticed a sign: "Welcome to Arcadia, Louisiana."

His heart now made a long leap into his throat. He looked outside and noticed that everything was nice and green and blooming…like the month of May would be, perhaps?

"What month is it?" Goofy yelled, now eagerly leaping into the front seat.

"Who tha' heck are you?" Bonnie asked.

"My name is Stephen Bohn. It's nice to meet you, Bonnie Parker," he said, shaking her hand, "Now, what month is it?"

"May-how did you get back there?" she asked.

"That is a very good question," Goofy said, "One that I can't answer."

Clyde pulled out a gun and pointed it at Goofy's head.

"He's workin' with the law," Clyde concluded.

The car slid around a curve and Goofy was thrown back.

"I'm not working with anybody! Look, just let me out…"

Clyde put his foot to the floor.

"You ain't goin' nowhere," Bonnie said.

"Please let me go, I'm too nice to die…" Goofy said, "Just pull over here and let me out-I won't cause you any trouble."

"Now why would we want to let a nice hostage like you go, huh?" Clyde asked.

"'Cause this car is about to get shot to bits, and I really don't want to be here when it happens."

Both Bonnie and Clyde pointed a gun at Goofy now.

"What did you say?" Bonnie asked.

"The 'law' is planning an ambush! They have guns that can shoot into even this car!" Goofy said.

"That's a lie!" Clyde said, "If we pull over, I bet there is someone along this road who is ready to yank us out of this car."

"Look, you don't even need to stop-I'll duck and roll…just let me out!"

Clyde looked forward, obviously not interested in talking to Goofy any longer. Bonnie didn't seem so sure.

"How do you know that we are going to get ambushed?" Bonnie said.

"I've read about it…this ambush is famous."

"How have you read about something that hasn't happened?" Bonnie asked.

Goofy was at a loss for a moment.

"This is going to sound stupid, but I'm from the future," Goofy said.

Bonnie rolled her eyes and lowered her gun.

"He's a loony," she said, "But he'll make a great shield."

Goofy watched as a bend opened up into a wide, straight road lined with heavy woods. He thought he could almost see cars in the woods…

"That's it-you can get yourselves killed, but I'm outta here!" he said, and grabbed Bonnie's gun.

"Let me out!" he said, pointing it at Clyde's head.

Clyde tried to reach for his gun again. Goofy pushed the barrel of his gun further into his scalp.

"Don't even think about it," Goofy said "Just let me out."

Bonnie's gun pushed into Goofy's temple.

"Put it down," she snarled.

Goofy shook his head.

"Look, if I don't get out of this car, I'm going to get lit up like you two idiots, so I really don't think threatening to take my life a minute before this car gets shot to pieces is going make much difference."

Bonnie looked at him quizzically.

"You're serious, aren't you?" she said.

"As a heart attack," Goofy answered.

"Don't tell me you are falling for his crap…" Clyde said.

Bonnie shrugged.

"He's a nuisance either way you slice it, so…"

Goofy prepared to pull the trigger…could he really do that to another person…?

Bonnie opened the door.

"Get out," she said.

Goofy didn't need to be told twice. He dove out of the still-moving car as Clyde cussed up a storm and into a small creek. After Goofy stopped rolling, he stood up, pain making his actions very slow, and looked around. He had seen a car in the trees-

Gun shot from multiple guns rang through the air, momentarily deafening Goofy.

He cringed and looked out onto the road and watched as the car rolled to a slow stop.

"I told you…" Goofy said sadly.

Meanwhile, the Little Homie Association finally made it to Tiffany Ashley-Meagan Smith's house. She had fled the scene as she saw them approach, but she could not bring the DeMolator with her.

Peter smiled and turned to Jean-Luc.

"Victory is ours! We have the DeMolator!"

Jean-Luc shrugged, "Yeah, but now what? How does it even work?"

Peter poked a few buttons, but with little luck-nothing happened.

"You have to plug it in," Dad Fontenot said, appearing from no where once again.

The boys jumped in unison.

"Don't do that!" they both said.

"Do what?" Dad Fontenot asked, plugging in the DeMolator.

He quickly typed in a few things and suddenly, John was right behind him.

"No!!!" John lamented, falling to his knees, "How could you? I was in paradise! Valhalla! HEAVEN!!! I want to go back…please let me go back…"

John eventually recovered; although some say he was never quite the same (most say he just wasn't right to begin with…). He would, at times, get a far off look in his eyes and mutter something…if one listened carefully enough, you might just make out the word "Coconut."

As, uh, fortunate as it is that John was brought home and the DeMolator restored to DeMolay, there was still one problem…no one knew that Goofy had gone missing. He was trapped in Louisiana, and things as ugly as they had just been for him, were about to get a whole lot uglier….

Stay tuned for the next episode of "The DeMolator" in the Febuary Word of the Day.

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